I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
