You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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