Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
