wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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