"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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