We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
