i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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