You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
