You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Damn victory sex feels great
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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