Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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