You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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