His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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