Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
