Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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