I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you will always have a special place in my vag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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