im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's the barista slut.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
