She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
