Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
