The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
