you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
