Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
