He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am available for nakedness
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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