She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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