Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
