Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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