Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
