Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
