We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
