i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
