He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
