I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
