i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
