hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
