Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
