can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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