i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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