Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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