If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
