I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
