Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
