And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
