My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
