At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
