Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
