He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
