I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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