She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
