You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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