So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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