it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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