oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
