Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
