So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
