If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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