Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
