im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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