dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
