Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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