I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pants are for mortals
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
