Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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