I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
