u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I faked an abortion last night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
