i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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