he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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