omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
