Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
