Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
