Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
