And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dignity is for republicans.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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