The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
