Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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