it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry my hands just texted you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
