There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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