At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
