It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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