I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
