I'm jealous of your bromance
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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