i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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