honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
