The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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