Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
