The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
