i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
