atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
