Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
